Sometimes I sit and marvel how funny life is. Feels like only yesterday, we were all fresh out of high school, and without any warning, i'm making plans on moving to England. This is a whole new story for me. I never thought on me ever moving anywhere to be honest. The thought of just leaving my comfort zone here in Malaysia scared the crap out of me, until recently.
Ever since the trip I had to London last year, suddenly home didn't feel like home anymore. The impurities and injustice in this country suddenly became so much more obvious. My eyes were truly opened to how closed up and fearful I have become in my own country. It saddens me but sometimes, things do change. There's no more future for me here. Acting wise, i'm at a stagnant. I'm getting jobs, which is great, but I still haven't landed the leading man opportunity and I doubt I ever will here. I feel i've reached my acting limit here. I don't know if I have that chance in London, but I have to try.
I've always been that type of person who always has to try something. Even if I fail, I need to know I at least tried at something. And this is one of the biggest risks i've ever taken. I have no guarantees of success. But I have to do this. I have to make this work. I'd rather die than not push myself and make a name for myself. For all the naysayers who kept saying I could never do it, I'm proving this to you, and myself.
It's going to be a big shock to the system. Being in a whole new country starting life right from the start. That is a horrifying feeling. Having to make new friends, learning my way around, fitting in with the lifestyle, this is a whole new experience. I haven't had to do that since I was five. As I said to Carmen in an earlier conversation, I'm finally growing up. Moving to a new country, all on my own. No friends, no support system. Nothing. But I know that will only be for a couple of months, I hope. People back home (you know who you are), please stay on Skype. I'm going to need the support.
But yeah, the decision is really final at this point. As soon as I get my British passport, this chapter will come to a close. Acting in Malaysia will end. The Backstage Life will end. Nick Dorian in Malaysia will be gone. And one day, I will come back as Nick Dorian, West End Actor.